Online Manners Matter :: Getting what you want!

This post came about because a staff member received a really angry email from a client. It was full of capital letters, exclamation marks and bolded words.

Now, chances are, they decided it was a smart idea to get what they wanted by being rude or they just didn’t know a thing about email etiquette. It turned out their last service provider had been a nightmare and this was a warning shot, but not a great way to start any business relationship.

In my optimism (that it was all an innocent mistake) I attempted to tell my staff member about my mother, who is a lovely example of someone with no email etiquette. It’s not because she is a rude person, she just didn’t get the online socialisation that many of us did.

I will outline some things I pointed out to her that can make a big difference in getting what you want when you email someone you haven’t met. I know this works because I have used these things to get out of a phone contract, paying bills and overcoming opposition when making requests, even in situations where I know other people have been denied because they used a less constructive approach.

First the basics (we’re going to start in the womb here). Just like in a letter, have an introduction like “Dear ”. If you just start writing lines it looks lazy and abrupt.

Just as you introduce yourself, you should also sign off. Have a nice signature with your name and contact details and a tag like “Regards”, or your company motto at the end. Remember, they don’t have your $150 haircut and Armani shoes to brighten up the communication, so use visuals!

Next...capital letters are the vocal equivalent of shouting. If you use capitalisation of words it connotes the same level of aggression as if you were yelling. No one likes to be yelled at. On a similar note, aggressive language, swearing or name calling is often far worse in an email because the person reading it will usually re-read it a few times and absorb it far more than if you had buffered a biting statement in a lively conversation.

When emailing someone that you want a resolution from (even if you think they owe you) try to be constructive, even if they’re at fault. There is a massive difference in the tone of an email where the message is “You’re an idiot, fix this or else” compared to saying “I have a problem here and I want to work with you to fix it”. You’ll find you will get much more help from someone who thinks you acknowledge their ability to help them, than if you were to write them off straight away.

I also find it helps me a lot when emailing someone not to demand an immediate response or to write how “urgent” it is all over the email. Demanding an immediate answer doesn’t put someone in a constructive frame of mind and you’ll probably get the quick answer not one that has been well thought out or most productive for you. Telling someone it’s urgent usually reads “I’m disorganised bail me out”. Again, you’ll get the quick answer, not necessarily the best answer.

Try to remember that you’re emailing a person, not a machine. If you think you’re going to get the best from someone by threatening them or being rude or demanding – you’re dead wrong. Be polite, if you need to vent - get therapy.